Divine Discourse Enjoyer Gifts

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'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Dialogue

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

I've been scouting new locations for the strip. Great. We can certainly use some. Have you found anything exciting so far? Yes. A bench on the other side of the park. It has a trash can in the background.

The Last Republican in America

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'Our next guest is an economist who is the author of the first economic theory that proves that money makes the world go round.'

Lars, do have that CD I lent you? It got stuck in the CD player. I think it's a herniated disc.

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

God's Fly Swat...