Divine Diet Gifts

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

Zagat Rated.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

Obesity Report

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

"It's made with real angel hair."

"Ready to head back?"

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'