Divine Diet T-Shirts

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Zagat Rated.

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

Obesity Report

"It's made with real angel hair."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Ready to head back?"

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'