Divination Dabbler Gifts

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

Happy Halloween. Something's different about her. It's boo!-tox. Every Halloween its the same thing. They take candy off the house and never come to the door. That careless jerk almost trampled me! What was it? The "Heedless" Horseman! I know it's just toilet paper, but as a mummy it still gives me the creeps!

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

"Do you know why you never made VP? Indecisiveness. You're still indecisive!"

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

'Investors Chronicle' "How do I know whether to buy it or not?"

'Sometimes it's not a very good idea to be indecisive.'

'Well, do you want to sign up or not?' - 'Um...yes and no.'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

Biolab. I put collie DNA into a shark. I got a fish that still bites --- but then it goes for help.

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

'You've got to quit asking yourself 'What would Tintin do?''

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

Dr. Reynolds finally realizes what he puts his patients through as he and his wife look at paint swatches.