Psychic Dabbler Gifts

Man sees sign at fortune teller featuring mind reading and mind boggling

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Happy Halloween. Something's different about her. It's boo!-tox. Every Halloween its the same thing. They take candy off the house and never come to the door. That careless jerk almost trampled me! What was it? The "Heedless" Horseman! I know it's just toilet paper, but as a mummy it still gives me the creeps!

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

The Screeeen!

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"It's a recipe for self-care."

'What was the question?'

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

A knitter's in and out boxes

I was having fun making log letters when someone asked "why?" So I Qui

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

"You can't 'unfollow' me - I'm your shepherd."

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

Toy boat on a tsunami.

Badminton/Goodminton

I accidently deleted my hard drive, but it's okay. All the important stuff is on the refrigerator anyway.

"Lord, Satan rejected this fireman. What shall we do with him?

"Unfortunately polishing my mouse isn't as relaxing sharpening my pencils."

DANGER - hook and worm...!