Disinfecting Diva Pillows

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Out of patience

Coronavirus: Consequences for the economy!

'I'd steer clear of the rum punch.'

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'I'm detoxing - do you have any mineral water?'

Sales - "For the last time, stop saving us money." (Colour)

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

Baby dressed for the opera.

The quarantine self cut.

'After years of studying the apes I've finally found a way of being accepted into their group.'

'Stop laughing - Have you never seen a girl putting her make-up on?'

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

How much would you take off for cash?

"How much is the sign?"

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

"We're getting somewhere now. This is the exact opposite of what I want."

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

Bargains

'I'm changing my status to not complicated enough.'