Disconnect Diva Pillows

'Hey, we are roughing it out here! Only 45 minutes of IMing a night, you hear me?'

"Your sermon had everyone at rapt attention. Good move cutting the church WiFi."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Tossing computer into canyon.

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'We don't know what it is but it was in the sale so we thought we'd better get one before they sold out.'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Out of patience

"Za Za Bling Bling goes man hunting."

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

'I'm detoxing - do you have any mineral water?'

Sales - "For the last time, stop saving us money." (Colour)

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

How much would you take off for cash?

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"Appointments. Disappointments."

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

"How much is the sign?"

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Bargains

"I need a slower internet connection."

The Insiders

'I'm changing my status to not complicated enough.'

"Free speech" does not mean your ignorance is equivalent to our knowledge!

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"So with 50% sale discount, plus the 30% early bird reduction, a 10% bonus for paying in full and a $100 cash back... we owe you $1.75"

"I'm off to the sales!"

'LIAR!'