Disdainful Diva Gifts

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'Diet considerations.'

'I'd steer clear of the rum punch.'

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

Valleyview diet clinic