Disdainful Diva T-Shirts

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Valleyview diet clinic

Out of patience

'Diet considerations.'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'I'd steer clear of the rum punch.'