Dine-out Diva T-Shirts

'I refuse to put my life on standby. It uses way too much energy.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I come here for the pepper."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"More croutons, sir?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"