Dine-out Diva T-Shirts

'I refuse to put my life on standby. It uses way too much energy.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"More croutons, sir?"

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"