Dining Out Diva T-Shirts

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"The new owners decided that the restaurant needed 'themes'...Aloha, it's Hawaiian Night!"

'So what's strange about it - can't a dog be a vegetarian?'

Splitting the atom bill.

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"

Soup of the Deja Vu

"Hmmm - what the hell. . . I'll go for the cheese please!"

"Dinner is poured."

"It isn't the spaghetti that is tough, you are eating your cardigan."

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'Well, what did you expect? We're Dung Beetles, remember?!'

"I hate it when they do this."

'One rare steak coming up.'

Too rare perhaps?

'Forget the waiter...I'm getting a delivery service.'

'Cold enough now?' (Beer in block of ice.)

'But I'm sure I only had one glass of wine...'

'I'm Ray. I'll be your waiter this evening, I guess.'

'Henry! The woman wants to take your order.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."