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'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

La Table

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is the MSG local?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."