Drinks Diva T-Shirts

'When he hired me he agreed I wouldn't have to make coffee, but I should have known there was a catch.'

'I'd steer clear of the rum punch.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Cow and Milk

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Out of patience

How would Madam like to pay?

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"More croutons, sir?"

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Of course I mind—they're mine, and I want all of them."