Disconnect Devotee Gifts

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Thomas Hardy

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

Pre-Historic Gentleman's Duel

Old-fashioned computer

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

Ohm sweet Ohm

"Hey! Green eyes!"

"Behold, Penny. The 'Wi-Fi dead zone.'"

Sale today - 50% off everything!

'A fight has broken out between Dr. Who fans and Star Trek fans. No hurry, the likelihood of anyone getting hurt is very small.'

Shopping Torture

'Don't tell me we've been following the wrong light!'

"She died doing what she loved."

"What? Tiny houses are all the rage."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the Antiques Roadshow

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

"We know it was meant to be. We illegally downloaded the exact same music!"

"I'm a bargain hunter."

"How many times are young going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"

"Live your life devoid of attachments."

Thriller of the Week

"The following problem is not recommended for some viewers, or so our attorneys have advised us to say..."

All You Can Eat: Senior Special

J. M. Coetzee

Ed's Bar & Grill: Schadenfreude Hour 5-7

"You're watching the Baseless Enthusiasm Network. Hot Damn!"