Disciplinary Humor Fan Gifts

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

A Puppet Named Juan

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"There are no dumb questions, Billy, but there are plenty of dumb answers!"

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

How men process questions.

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'And in conclusion.'

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'