Directive Critic Gifts

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Technically, it's a mammal."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'Well, your guess is as good as mine. Almost.'

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

"How can we order wine with dinner? You're not wearing a necktie."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"You'll never believe who's here."

The Algonquin Round Table