Code Critic Gifts

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Whistler's father.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"I could do that."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

Meet the People of the Internet

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

'To much orange.'

Capitalism

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"First the open floor plan, now this."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."