Dino-mite Humorist Gifts

'It's called a digital watch.'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."