Dinner Table Giggler Gifts

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."