Dinner Disaster Debunker Pillows

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Never trust a sommelier with a 750ml tastevin.'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"More wine?"

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

'How was the snapper, sir?'

'Here we put the emphasis exclusively on the food!'

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

"It's a tad undercooked."

"Gesundheit!"

An Energetic Susan.

"Hello darling. I may be home late tonight. I've just got two potential contenders for the, 'all you can eat platter'."

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

"I'm sorry, the sesame peanut dressing is not agreeing with him."

"How is everything?"

"It's burns night."

'Dinner will be a little late -- I was overcome by the fumes.'

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'