Dinner Debunkers Pillows

"Hello darling. I may be home late tonight. I've just got two potential contenders for the, 'all you can eat platter'."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

'My first drink since my accident.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"E-cigarette or non e-cigarette section."

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"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

The Last Dinner

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

'I told you not to live-tweet this.'

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.