Dinner Debunkers Pillows

"Hello darling. I may be home late tonight. I've just got two potential contenders for the, 'all you can eat platter'."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'My first drink since my accident.'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

The Last Dinner

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."