Dinner Disrupters Pillows

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."

'She wishes.'

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Nothing for me, thanks."

The Imperfect Hostess

"Must you people always call at dinnertime?"

No more obesity - thanks to the stock market!

"Does your waitress have any identifying marks or tattoos?"

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

Texting or no texting?

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

"Hello darling. I may be home late tonight. I've just got two potential contenders for the, 'all you can eat platter'."

'I knew something was wrong when I couldn't find my dinner.'

"I'm sorry, the sesame peanut dressing is not agreeing with him."

"Your mom cooks the chicken, but your dad makes it dance."