Dining Disruptor Pillows

"Nothing for me, thanks."

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

Texting or no texting?

Haute Chinese

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

Broken since March

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

Spaghetto

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'She wishes.'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

"I see what I want to eat. Where do I click 'add to cart'?"

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

'Never trust a sommelier with a 750ml tastevin.'

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

"Actually, I recommend the lobster. . . because it's starting to spoil!"

No more obesity - thanks to the stock market!

The Imperfect Hostess

"More wine?"

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

A Respite Between Courses

Are you excited the republicans are going to take back the Senate? Of course. Do you have any idea how many organic, gluten-free, non-GMO sustainable, eco-friendly cups of conflict-free hot cocoa I'm going to be selling? Not to mention the free-range turkey Panini's. Liberals eat comfort foods, too.

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

'Any way I could play through?'

'Power lunches are out, white flannel lunches are in.'

Mobiles and books

'You're right baby, throwing food is fun.'