Dieting Disruptor Pillows

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Shrink

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

Woman and scales.

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

'I've got a perfect investment plan: For half my money, I'll buy cookie plant stocks and for the the other half, I'll buy diet pill makers stocks!'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"It might sound silly, but I don't think this job is good for my diet."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"I do exercise, stretching exercises. Got the stretch marks to prove it."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."