Diet Dealbreaker Pillows

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

The four major food groups.

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Healthy Eating Fast

Self Service, Self Denial

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

'Let me try and explain this again, Paul. You are a 'free agent', and I'm the take-20-of-everything-you-make agent.'

"I want you to decrease your salt intake and increase your pepper intake."

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"