Diet Dealbreaker Pillows

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

The four major food groups.

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Healthy Eating Fast

Self Service, Self Denial

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

"I want you to decrease your salt intake and increase your pepper intake."

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

Ask About Our Diet Doughnuts! All the calories are in the holes.

Book Signing. "The Inflation Diet." How does it work? You spend the same amount on food each week and the rest takes care of itself.

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

'Let me try and explain this again, Paul. You are a 'free agent', and I'm the take-20-of-everything-you-make agent.'