Diet Struggler Pillows

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

Healthy Eating Fast

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Why George finds it hard to lose weight.

"How's your diet going?"

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

"Those ankle weights will help you lose weight. They're so heavy you won't be able to walk to the kitchen."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Diet Sugar House.

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

"I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't what they used to be."

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'I've got a problem.'

'None for me...I'm trying to eat healthy.'

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'