Dieting Disruptor T-Shirts

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Shrink

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

'I've got a perfect investment plan: For half my money, I'll buy cookie plant stocks and for the the other half, I'll buy diet pill makers stocks!'

Woman and scales.

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"It might sound silly, but I don't think this job is good for my diet."

"I do exercise, stretching exercises. Got the stretch marks to prove it."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."

'As you requested, we trimmed the fat.'