Dining Disruptor Gifts

"Nothing for me, thanks."

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

Texting or no texting?

Haute Chinese

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

Broken since March

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

Spaghetto

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'She wishes.'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

"I see what I want to eat. Where do I click 'add to cart'?"

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'Never trust a sommelier with a 750ml tastevin.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

"Actually, I recommend the lobster. . . because it's starting to spoil!"

No more obesity - thanks to the stock market!

The Imperfect Hostess

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

A Respite Between Courses

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."

'Power lunches are out, white flannel lunches are in.'

'You're right baby, throwing food is fun.'

'Miss Jones, those pants have got to go. I can't have my secretary looking like a boy.'

Mobiles and books

'We'd like to share a haircut.'

"If I can't pay you for dinner can I at least give you a little something for sex afterwards?"