Dinner Defender Pillows

When telemarketers pray.

"Must you people always call at dinnertime?"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"We're well known for our freshly cooked food. Your order will be ready in a few minutes, Madame."

"Hey, guess what we're having for dinner tomorrow."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, the menu clearly says 'Death by Chocolate'."

Mum ices cake with 'hands off'.

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

'...I still the the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top!'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

Ginger Breadman

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Bad Carbs

"This is a clear violation of our civil rights."

Doris turns to crime

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

"Does your waitress have any identifying marks or tattoos?"

What's in the milk today?