Dinner Party Disaster Pillows

"It's burns night."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Joel! Killer crust!"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'Hey, Pal, hope you don't mind - we're running a little low over here.'

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."