Dinner Party Disaster Fan Pillows

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Your lasagna was dismal, as was the coffee, but you, Sofi, are fabulous at Pictionary!"

"No matter how many times Martha berated Tony, she just couldn't break him of his habit of not chewing his food."

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

'I told you not to order the stake.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

The Cold Shoulder: 'What do you give the Cannibal who is late for Dinner?'

'I didn't know about his expansionist tendencies when I married him.'

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"I'm NOT pontificating!"

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

Father and son disappointed at 'Chimps' Dinner Party'

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"I like the Pasteurs, but my goodness – boiled tomato juice, boiled fish with boiled lettuce, boiled bread, boiled salad..."

"Pass the salt. I mean the buck."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'There must be an elephant in the room.'

The Imperfect Hostess

"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."

'How was the snapper, sir?'

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

Man leaving the tavern and realising he is late for dinner

'Tell, me dearie. . . when you say you admire his maleness, does that mean he's well hung?'