Dinner Banter Gifts

"What's the Chef's Surprise Sir? Well, he's VERY surprised his kitchen has just survived a visit from the Government Food and Hygiene Inspector!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

Chick in noodle soup.

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"You ordered mammoth again?"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

'Forget about National Security for a second... if I'm not home in an hour for dinner, there's going to be some REAL FIREWORKS!'

"Do you two need a little more time?"

"Because of the war can we split this?"

'One or the other, Mr Yomp, but not both, prayer breakfast OR power lunch!'