Dining Etiquette Observers Pillows

'Apparently the one code you're not familiar with is a dress code.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"I'd like you two to meet Will and Diane Clampett. Will is the powerful chairman and chief executive officer of a large multinational corporation, and Diane is his passive-aggressive wife."

"What a slobster."

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

"You do realize you’re serving with the murder weapon?"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

'Smoking section, please.'