Dining Etiquette Pillows

"Do you mind? We're trying to eat."

'Put on a shirt - The Pope is coming to dinner'

"At least he doesn't beg at the table."

"Clean eating? What the hell is clean eating?"

"Dude, pass the salt."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"I got tossed outta there once, for talking with my mouth full!"

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."

"Dear, putting your phone down while eating is not 'living off the grid.'"

Human Cull: 'Year - now's a great time to talk.'

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'You guys eat RAW fish? No knives? No forks? No mayo? No wine? My goodness, you behave like animals!'

'Timmy, that was Daddy's dinner Yours is here,,,'

'Could you spin the lazy susan so I can reach the tartar sauce, please,'

"Do you HAVE to pick your nose at the table?!!"

'By the way, we ordered you a knife and fork.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"It says here that in some cultures, burping at the dinner table is considered a compliment."

'How to Eat while Reading' and 'How to Read while Eating'.

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"The last doggy bag."