Dining Discourses Gifts

"Personally I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole but then what would I know, I'm only a waiter?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"What will change my life?"

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"How was the food sir?"

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."