Dining Discourses T-Shirts

"Personally I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole but then what would I know, I'm only a waiter?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

"How was the food sir?"

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'Your waiter will be happy to point out our organic dishes if sir is feeling particularly gullible.'