Diner Visitor Gifts

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

Grandma's caf

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'How would you like your toast?'

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"A votre sante!"

'Can I get a box for this?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'