Diner Visitor Gifts

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Countervailing Clichés.

Grandma's caf

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Can I have flies with that'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"A votre sante!"

'Can I get a box for this?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

A menu with risks and benefits