Dine And Dash Enthusiast Gifts

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'