Digital Media Cynics Pillows

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The other digital divide.

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Look! This says that space aliens have landed and have taken over control of the earth. Boy that's a load off my mind!

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

Books On Paper

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

Social media and privacy

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Brggar holding sign - 'Victim of computer age'.

Blogging Shoes

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

iPhone: Leading Our Grand March Into Mass Mediocrity

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

Unsocial Media

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."