Digital Communication Critics Pillows

"I get instant messages, but they might as well be snail mail by the time I can get to the computer on my walker!"

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"Fact amnesty"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

"Actually, there is such a thing as a stupid question, and you've just asked it."

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

Brggar holding sign - 'Victim of computer age'.

Blogging Shoes

'I'm getting mixed signals. First the boss tells me that I never really caught fire around here then he tells me that I suffer from burnout.'

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

'I am becoming a jerk. Get a memo to all departments.'

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you today. You could visit his web page instead.'

"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"

'Mr Slickovitz will now brief you on corporate creole!'

"Didn't we have a dog with us when we left the house?"

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

"Put that stupid phone away and look at the beautiful colors!"

"Amazon Amber Ale, shipped free with Prime. Kill me, Ted. Just kill me."

If the world is getting smaller, how come the postal rates keep going up?

I hate to tell you this, but most of the pigs on social media are rooting for the wolf.

Fortunately there are still some honest social media profiles...

'I didn't come when called? Have you tried Twittering me?'

"Put that complaint to the top of the queue, have you seen how many Twitter followers he has?"