Digital Era Philosopher Gifts

"He leaves behind a wife, two kids, three grandkids, and a 239-day streak on Duolingo."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Fact amnesty"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."