Digital Life Philosopher Gifts

Exceeded my Data Plan Limit.

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Online form - Submit.

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Would you relax? They never look up."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Graduates on their phones

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"Textin’"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"There, all neat and tidy!"

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Yes, you were born into the era of passwords and user-names. . . why do you ask, Mycat_2014?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I neeeeeeed neeeeeeed neeeeeeed my iPhone!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Fact amnesty"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."