Digital Empath Gifts

'Dear facebook friend.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Licensed Therapist

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

Computer help.

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Cyber Dream

The New A*****e

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

"When catch-up TV finally catches up"

Hot Towel Web Service

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"Gee... A wide screen, high-definition TV with Stereo-Gasm Sound and over 500 channels! It's almost like having a life!"

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

I'm just dying to try out this new Rorschach app! ?

'The thing that really bugs me, Louis, is whether veterinarians are psychiatrists.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"Good news, Mrs. Jennings! The lump in your throat isn't cancer, it's from watching a lot of sad movies."

"It's just till I get over our dog running away."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

"Why so sad, Pal?"

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

Bones Reunited

Palm Top Readings

What's with our son? For once he's not online. I dealt with him. He's steaming mad. What did you do? I handled his addiction to texting, IM-ing, games and Facebook with calm maturity. Dad! Where did you hide my laptop?!! Modern maturity.