Digital Empath Pillows

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Licensed Therapist

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

Computer help.

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Cyber Dream

Hot Towel Web Service

The New A*****e

Some days Ted's head would get stuck for hours.

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

'The thing that really bugs me, Louis, is whether veterinarians are psychiatrists.'

"Gee... A wide screen, high-definition TV with Stereo-Gasm Sound and over 500 channels! It's almost like having a life!"

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

"Good news, Mrs. Jennings! The lump in your throat isn't cancer, it's from watching a lot of sad movies."

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

Bones Reunited

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

"Why so sad, Pal?"

Palm Top Readings

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."