Digital Dinosaur Gifts

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

Salesman to computer buyer: 'It's a very user-friendly model.'

'I'm the oldest employee in the store...I've been here from Hi-Fi to Wifi.'

He still refuses to upgrade.

'Can I talk to you offline?'

"Your computer's software is old. Even by my standards,

"I need the password to our email. I keep all the passwords on scraps of paper there in the closet."

"Don't tell me you're still using a phonebook."

"Curse this productive text ..."

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

"How me turn this thing on?"

A frowning man looks at a smiling screen

"Say that again. I open what? Then click on what? Then type in what? Then save to what. . . ?"

"Certainly! - Just go online - download your personal QR app - type in your password and security info. . ."

"All of our friends have high speed internet. Why do we still have Croco-Dial-Up service?"

"I'm still trying to get used to ordering food online."

"I can't call nobody on this newfangled dang cellular telephone!"

"You're what I'd call technochondriac. You feel technology is the cause of all life's problems."

2G Technology

"Now I see why they call it a 'cursor'".

'Dad cant help me with my homework. He's a technophobe.'

"I said use your speaker. You just took another picture of your ear."

"Not discovered the 'Delete' key yet Edith?"

"Of course, I remember when we had to make do with 2.5 megapixels."

I.T. Fear

Then one day I mistakenly hit "reply all."

'Try the helpline at technophobicoldfart.com.'

'What the...?!' 404 ERROR!

'I believe they have Hyperreactive Fax Syndrome.'

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

'I got an F today - for improper interfacing with my computer.'

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."