Digital Dilettantes Gifts

Don't you wish you'd stayed on at school?

'All I did was touch the screen here, and it called me a misanthrope.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Should I buy or sell?'

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"I am in the moment - just not the moment you're in."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

'How was my date?...It went OK. He paid for dinner, and he floats. I suppose that has to count for something.'

The singles bar...

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."