Digital Dietitian Gifts

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Raw food, after you leave for work.

Chez Nous Menu

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The eco club is starting a locavore movement here at school. "Loco" what? Eating fresh food, grown locally. So? So everyone eats healthier and uses less energy. Um � Ok. I'll tell my mom. Who are those people. Locobores.

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"