Dietitian Gifts

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

'kidney Pie?'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

'Bless me father for I have sinned. I use trans fats in all of my pie crusts.'

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

New Studies Show All Foods Bad For You.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

What Can We Do To Lose Weight?

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'Your weight problem is partly genetic and partly Boston Cream pie.'

Rising Sea Levels - An Alternative Theory

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

Frankenfish

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

"I eat cheap greasy food so I can save for my cardiologist bills in the future."

'It's partly glandular and partly 8,500 calories per day.'

Sugar Co - "We could advertise it as 100% salt free."

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

'Is it okay if we just eat the newspaper?'

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Let me have 20% fat, 40% carbohydrate, 40% protein and a cup of tea,'

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

"You are what you eat!"

'...The world of vitamins can be complex.'

In the Guru District

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

Patient has a diganosis of high blood pressure, but comments, 'I take everything he says with a pinch of salt.'

Exercising your heart.