Dietician Gifts

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I want you to cut down on the salt lick!"

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'The 'Humungo Meal' comes with your choice of 2 sides...heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes or obesity.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

'How are you not seeing this? Of course doughnuts are a hole food!'

'All tests point to the same conclusion: it is indeed a big banana.'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

Thanksgiving: 'You are what you eat.'

'I think sugar substitutes are fattening. Have you noticed that people who use them are usually overweight?'

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

'The nurse says I'm morbidly obese... So what are you going to do about it.'

'Only carrots. I thought there would be a choice.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

'Would you like the low-carb, gluten-free, or the hell, bring-it-on section?'

'According to this blood work, you're 80% cake.'

'Let me put your cholesterol levels in terms you'll understand. If they were your bowling scores, you'r be making a fortune on the pro tour.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

'I diet all year, and - BOOM - one haemophiliac and it's back to square one!'

"Never eat anything you can't lift over your head."

Fat Woman with Thin Shadow.

'Take more vitamins... Well maybe you shouldn't take so many vitamins.'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

'Too much intake - not enough burnout.'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

'Tell me this isn't celery.'

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

'Well, well, well, looks like we've got ourselves a troublemaker.'