Digital Diet Explorer Gifts

'He's suffering from online obesity.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

Critisize your weight.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Diet considerations.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'